Facing The Storm

When it hit, I was still caught up in my head. The tensions, worries, anxieties, they were all there, and it was just the beginning of my break.

I was stressed out, depressed and was barely thinking of anything except my incomplete to-do lists. I was thinking of no one and nothing outside of what I had to do. I was told by many that I was lonely, but the fact remained that I had no time to be lonely. There was always something to be done.

When it hit, I was not prepared for its full impact.

At first I barely noticed as I briskly moved about, completing my tasks; then as I fought the opposing tide of people on the street, it seeped into my awareness.

I was still sweating, but the sun was no longer beating down my neck. The cool wind lifted some of the hair strands of my face and that was when I suddenly realized what I was up against. One quick look heavenward and it was confirmed. The day’s forecast fought itself into the front of my head.

Heavy, stormy weather.

I looked down at my crisp white cotton shirt and light brown pants. Not the best choice considering I was far, far away from shelter. And just like that, it exploded. The rain pelted against my aching back harshly, showing no mercy as it drenched my shirt and had it clinging to me like second skin. My hair fell loose and clung to every fold near my neck and prevent quick movements of my head. My shoes were soaked through and I could feel the water circulate around my toes.

The sidewalk was suddenly deserted as people huddled under any kind of make-do roof for protection. They now observed me, the only idiot who’d waited long enough and was left standing alone in the rain. A quick glance told me, if I wanted to join them for the same protection, I needed to loose half my weight with in a millisecond or, have one half of me dry while the other half continued facing nature’s wrath.

I stood there staring.

And stood and stood and stood.

By now, there wasn’t a cell on my body I could claim to be dry. I closed my eyes to calm myself – and suddenly found a peace come over me, like never before.

The silence was healing. The steady pitter patter of the rain was therapeutic and the water beating down on my seemed to relieve me of all my tensions. Knowing I was causing a spectacle to everyone else buy standing statue still in the midst of a storm on an empty sidewalk, I quickly open my eyes and began to walk. I walked through small roads, puddles, got wet by the splashes of cars passing by me – but I kept walking.

My mind was frozen, and it wasn’t because of the chill running through my body. Yes, the water was cold, but it was like a reality shock to my system.

Sometimes life is about more than marking off items from your day-to-day lists.

Sometimes it’s all about looking at the bigger picture.

And sometimes, it takes a storm for you to realize it.

I walked about four kilometers in the rain, oblivious to the glances I was getting from people around me. Wrapping my hands around my wet torso only seemed so very natural that I felt comforted by the motion.

I could hear my own wet footsteps against the rain water, and the occasional vehicles pass by.

When I neared my home, I took the longer route, knowing it could adversely affect my health, but at the moment all I cared about was that feeling of serenity that engulfed me.

I went up to a lonely height and watched as the water descended on the city below me. Somehow the height magnified my tranquility. I let my eyes close and felt the water cascade over my face and felt it mingle with my eyebrows and eyelashes. I felt the water trickle down my face and as it did, I lifted my face up for more. More.

At some point my eyes opened and a rush of color flooded my vision. It was still raining but for me it might as well have stopped. It had served its purpose. There was no urgency, no necessity, no pressing engagement and no important appointment more important than for me to realize that I was NOT lonely.

I was alone.

And that made all the difference.

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~ by Liza on July 18, 2010.